I Love YouTube: Dan Quinn invents Toxic Soup/Cold Fission

This is Dan Quinn:

 

Dan Quinn is a 40-something one-time Notre Dame football player turned mma fighter who is also completely out of his mind. He does a lot of drugs and is convinced that if you put stevia (a natural low-calorie sweetener) in water and put it into a blender, it turns into "split H20" through a process called cold fission, leaving either a "white bubbly soup" or "toxic soap" that will "end global warming" and "pure H20" or "sweet water", which will turn your body into that of a "total stud":



He puts up hundreds and hundreds of videos, all in one way or another connected to his fission/stevia/pure H20/toxic soup blender discovery, and they're all in that bizarre disconnected rambling but focused monologue style where he'll explain in minute detail his discoveries but then mention, like we know exactly what he's talking about, that "this is what melted 22 pounds off of Cal Wersham".

A good bit of his time is given over to calling out various famous mma fighters, hoping that if they fight him, he'll be able to use the purse to popularize stevia (and not spend it on methamphetamines, which parents can use responsibly despite what his mother says):

 

 

 

 

 

Thanks to youtube, I can now waste literally days worth of my life watching dudes like this trying to reach out and feebly communicate some of what's going on inside his weirdly-shaped dome. It'd be all good if he was... benignly weird or had some kind of support system. But he doesn't. And because we live in the golden age of information freedom and tiny video cameras and sites to host hours of our videos, we get to see Dan Quinn drive around yelling at his off-screen mom, asking her "Did you go to town with hot-wheel tracks, Joan Quinn? Did you?"

 

 

Untangling this dude's life is completely unrewarding, semi-terrifying and endlessly entertaining in a way that makes you feel bad about yourself and everyone else you've ever met. He's utterly out of his mind, and getting crazier.

Recently, he has made friends with a rapper named Shaderack, discovered a type of vacuum that will end the pig flu epidemic, and invented a sex move (apparatus?) called "the violin" that will break new ground in female orgasm technique. He also thinks that he is an angel named Maitreya. Good luck. Oh, and somebody from the internet phoned Dan and convinced him the he was the gay president of a company called "Music Nerd Animals" and that they are going to give him millions of dollars. 

I hate youtube.