I Love YouTube: Slowwww Moootttioonnnn

Oh my GOD how cool are super slow-motion shots? Nothing's more awesome than a camera slooooooowing everything dooooooown so we can observe life as it exists in a fraction of a second. This must be what it's like for Usain Bolt every goddamn day, watching individual mosquito wings beat in front of his face while somebody is playing techno or classical music in the background. Now, we can be vicariously Usainish. Thanks, YouTube!

It's easy to see how scienticians might use slow motion cameras to gain further knowledge about the makeup of certain materials. For instance, scientists now know that fruit is not bulletproof. And the inside of fruit is even less bulletproof than the outside. Also, for an anti-gun advertisement, it doesn't seem very effective since I could probably dodge every single one of these bullets.

 

I've never heard of 'Discovery Channel' but I guess it has a show on every Wednesday dedicated to nothing but slow motion shots. That's great and all but last time I checked, six out of seven days of the week are not Wednesday, which means we have a slo-mo junkie fix problem. Thankfully, YouTube is broadcasting this stuff all week long. On Wednesdays, though, support your local television provider lest they go out of business, am I right?

 

Nothing like a slow motion shot of someone getting punched in the face to remind us all that all we're nothing but skeletons wearing rubbery flesh-suits that just kinda hang off of us like cheap Hallowe'en costumes.

 

 

Uh, hello? Sleeve-sneeze anybody? I guess slow motion shots of people lifting their forearms to their mouths aren't as sexy as ones where they spray mucous all over the camera like living breathing skeletony mucous hoses  wearing rubbery flesh-suits that just kinda hang off of them like cheap Hallowe'en costumes.

 

So, lighting is basically controlled by some sort of cosmic etch-a-sketch. Now, I get it. Amazing.

 

In this super-scientific study performed by the speedologists over at Google, they have determined that their Chrome browser could probably beat a rocket-car or rocket-bike or I guess a rocket-rocket (rocket?) in a race.

 

 

For extra awesome fun, check out the behind-the-scenes video of how this super-awesome and totally slick slo-mo video was made:

 

When I was a child, I thought to myself and thought-said, "Self, the future holds many wonders, including massive oceanic oil-death, never-ending war, LOST on tv and 'iPad'. It's a shame, however, that I-you-we will never be allowed by fate to see a death-metal millionaire cupcake impresario fire cake out of a SteamePunke cannon at hipsters, in slow motion, on the internet." Then last week I saw this and basically shit my mind out my anal hole.