I Love YouTube: this metal band of Christ dinosaurs is freaking me out

Probably fully 80% of my internet usage takes place on two sites: wikipedia and YouTube. Watching Law & Order, wife says "I have a headache.", and while she goes off to find medicine for her problem or whatever the heck's going on after I huff and pause the TV and give her a dirty look I start humming "this wrinkle in time, can't give it no creeeediiiiiit" and I'm off to YouTube to watch Frank do his thing, and then to wikipedia to see what he's up to lately, which is apparently releasing a new album called Non Stop Erotik, which kind of makes me want to puke. That dude's not erotik, no matter how he spells it.

And so it goes, this ho-hum 21st century omninformational hyper data paradise, where every song is instantly hearable, and the pertinent facts re: the singer have been conveniently collected by an autistic person for our perusal. A fat lord am I, laying in a field of knowledge-flowers, lazily sniffing the tulipmania as the summer breeze washes over me. A flawless crystalline utopia of information. Until. Until you find something a crack appears

you click around hear a song that kind of rules

and you think, "Hevisaurus... is a pretty cool metal band".

and you think, "I will read their wikipedia entry"

and they don't have a wikipedia entry - no need to panic - so you click around on youtube some more and find this:

Shaky handy-cam footage of… dinosaurs? Freakin rocking out? and moms and kids are there? and you check wikipedia again and there STILL isn't an entry and you're away, spinning in a black void, needing to know more about these rock dinosaurs from where, Finland? Egypt? the land before god damn time? and you start to think ok, how did things work before wikipedia. We used inference to learn so OK there's a band, Hevisaurus, that is a Finnish Metal Band For Children Who Like Metal. This is the dawn of a new age. Look at this:

They're freaking rocking dinosaurs of metal for children. The children wave bananas at them while they shred on-stage. The lead singer dinosaur has a cool skull and cross jacket and there's babes backstage.

How are they rocking dinosaurs? Were they thawed out like Encino Man and they just love metal? Were they a normal metal band who ran afoul of a powerful wizard? It's literally impossible to know. What can we glean from their slick video for their hit ballad Viimeinen mammutti?

Are they angel metal dinosaurs? Are they dream warriors like Freddy Kreuger except nice? Something about a mammoth maybe? We literally can only know how much they rule which is pretty much an incredible amount

Hevisaurus

I have to lie down or go to Finland with somebody's kid