Rajorajorajo | 27 Sep 2011 | 609 Views | 3 Likes | 0 Dislikes

Teens 'n' Tweens: Abduction

Teens 'n' Tweens-beat Blogger Queen Sister Amanda is back and we made her see a movie that we'd rather… not.

thesubstream: What’d you watch for us this week, Amanda?

Amanda: ABBBBduction. AB-duction. LOL get it?

tss: Got it. Abs. That’s with that Twilight werewolf, right? What was it about?

Amanda: Taylor Lautner’s abs. HAHAHA. Phew, ok no, um... I think it was about the CIA somehow? I’m not too sure ‘cause I fell asleep for a while.

tss: Sounds riveting! Gimme the play-by-play.

Amanda: Taylor Lautner’s dad straight up punches and kicks him in the head a lot? Then he does a project for school on missing children (that’s totally a thing) and finds a kid that looks like him on some website. So of COURSE he immediately assumes he was kidnapped and confronts his “mom”. She’s like “oh yeah, but kinda just deal with it?” She then she gets murdered by Russian dudes. There’s some chasing and running and somehow they end up on a train (this may be where I napped a little wee bit)? With his real dad’s cell phone and... uhh, then, like, there was some sort of resolution at a baseball game?

tss: Wow, sounds pretty complicated!

Amanda: I’m pretty sure I don’t know what happened because this movie is dumb and I stopped caring after the dude put his shirt back on.

tss: LOL. Any special message?

Amanda: I dunno. I guess if you punch dudes’ faces real good and run fast you can get your hot neighbor to be your girlfriend. And also age projection technology is SERIOUSLY accurate now. Everybody go look up missingkids.com and make sure you aren’t on the home page.

tss: They don’t really do the whole milk carton thing anymore, do they?

Amanda: I think that’s old-tymey stuff, so no.

tss: Tell me some more about this guy’s abs, as clearly that’s one thing you did pay attention to. Is this guy a hunk, or what?

Amanda: Well, I’m pretty sure I’m Team Jacob, but I have some issues with his face parts. They maybe don’t make sense? He’s got a good muscle-arm-vein situation happening. Is he legal? Am I being creepy right now? I better go look that up…

tss: What was the best part of Abduction?

Amanda: Hrmmm, well as far as I could tell, TL did a pretty good job punching dudes faces in. Like it looked like he didn’t use his stunt double too much? Some cool parkour and kicks or whatever, I don’t know.

tss: What was the worst thing about it?

Amanda: OH god, Sigourney Weaver. What has happened to you lady? Do you need some sort of life intervention? Don’t be in teen ass-whooping movies, be in good movies. And be a good actress again. Thanks.

tss: Is it-

Amanda: Also, Phil Collins’ daughter is an actress now? That was pretty unpleasant.

tss: I never knew that Sussudio Collins did movies! Tell all the teens ‘n’ tweens out there if this one’s worth watching or not.

Amanda: Yeah sure? I mean, I’m not gonna STOP anyone. But like make sure you bring your iPhone cause you’ll definitely be playing some Angry Birds the whole time.

The views expressed in this column are those of Sister Amanda and do not reflect those of thesubstream.com or it’s editorial staff. Please don’t bring your iPhone to the theatre and play Angry Birds. Seriously, don't.

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