Teens 'n' Tweens: Footloose

Sometimes we gotta reward teens 'n' tweens beat Blog Queen Sister Amanda with an assignment to something she might actually like, and when it's to something that the rest of us would rather huff exhaust for two hours than see, it's a double bonus. Looks like such was the case this week, when we bundled her off to see the latest crappy-'80s-flick-remake, Footloose. Here's what she thought:

thesubstream: First of all, what movie did you see?

Amanda: (singing) I gotta gotta cut loose, FOOTLOOSE kick off my Sunday shoes, geeze, Louise, something something about knees…

tss: Gotta get onto or off of my knees maybe? What was it about?

A: Ren, a handsome-fancy-footed stranger from Boston (drool lemme tell ya, just the absolute drooliest combination right there) moves to small town Georgia and then love and illegal dancing and chicken fights and VICTORY!!! It’s your time teens, soon you will have jobs and then you can’t dance anymore so do you while ya still can! As soon as you get married your dance muscles dissolve and you can only sway back and forth slowly rotating on the spot! That's basically it. 

DANCE TEENS! DANCE!!

tss: What happens in the movie?

A: Every single thing that happened in the first one. But, like, way more awesome somehow. I watched the old one on fast forward (for research purposes, I was like a baby when Kevin Bacon was supposed to be hot… ew) and it’s like practically shot for shot the same. And I DON’T CARE. It’s awesome. New is always better.

The dancing is better, the songs are the same but don’t sound like bad karaoke songs, the dudes are hotter, the babes are actual babes. They even made the cheesy montages seem sort of cool?

Or mayyyybe the Boston accent/dance movie combo is like some kind of hypno-spell cast just for me. I don’t know- I didn’t go to Hogwarts, I don’t know spells.

TL;DR -New guy teaches-

tss: What's TLDR?

A: Too Long; Didn't Read. Trust me. OK so new guy teaches town to stop being lame and also that responsible partying doesn’t always lead to baby making and car crashes.

tss: What was the message?

A: Parents, trust your teens. Teens, don’t get wasted and then die and you will be allowed to dance all you want. Girls, respect yourselves and only smooch boys that don’t punch you and are instead from Boston and wear jean coats with popped collars. Boys, dancing is cool and gets you all the babes.

tss: Did they all look totally hot?

A: I believe we’ve already covered Ren (Kenny Wormald). I would fully like to give him my numbah (that’s how they say it in Beantown). And yeah- I checked he’s only like a year younger than me so I’m allowed to say that.

We really should talk about his best buddy Willard (Miles Teller) though. He is hilarious and SUPER cute and would totally be my Marry in that “Eff, Marry, Kill” game I heard the teens are playing these days.

tss: Wha... nevermind. 

A: Yeah. Anyway Julianne Hough is preeeeeety darn babely and is REALLY talented at swinging her hair and shaking her parts around.

tss: What was the best part?

A: Willard. He was the comic relief, learned to be a good dancer, looked awesome in a cowboy hat, and punched a bunch of dudes in their faces for acting tough to his girl and best buddy. Which is all just the best.

tss: What was the worst part?

A: Well if I HAVE to be critical, for a town where dancing and loud music are illegal, the kids ALL sure seem to know how to dance realllllllly good. Oh yeah, and all the bible stuff is kind of annoying- but way less annoying than the original.

tss: Is it good for teens and tweens out there to watch?

A: TOTALLY. Hot boys, good dancing, romance, girls shaking their boobs and bums! All of that, and you also learn that only assholes say “fag”! Holy man, solid movie formula right there.