Teens 'n' Tweens: Friends With Benefits

To help wash the taste of the "terrible" Tree of Life out the mouth of our Tween-beat Teen Blog Queen Amanda, we finagled her a pass to a preview of young-person doing-it movie Friends with Benefits. She tells me what she thought below. 

thesubstream: So. What movie did you see this week?

Amanda: Friends With Butts. I mean, benefits LOL. With Justin Timberbutts and Mila Boobis. ROFL

tss: LMAO. What was it about?

A: Basically? Like, REALLY really good looking naked people hang out naked and make jokes about their naked parts.

tss: What happens in the movie beyond naked part jokes?

A: Mila Kunis is some sort of corporate head hunter? Is that a job that really hot 20 year old looking ladies have? I guess so. Justin Timberlake wears cool sneakers and is good at the internet. So Mila and her giant bug eyes hunt his head and make him go be in a flash mob (? Who are these weirdos doing this weird thing all the time all of a sudden?) in-

tss: Wait, so is that not a "thing"? I thought that was a "thing", for sure. Like teen flash mobs everywhere

A: I don't think it actually is, no. So they're in Times Square and BLAMMO- he's moving from LA to New York. Like that was the thing that convinced him? The flash mob? Whatever.

So now they're friends that like each other, but not like-like each other cause of I guess they are too mad at love or something? The movie actually began with scenes of them getting simul-dumped by douches (Andy Samberg douche! Emma Stone douche! hahah John Mayer bashing jokes! Good job movie!) So yeah- Mila Kunis wants her life to be like a shitty rom-com, and Justin wants to play sex-tennis so then they are naked a WHOLE LOT. Lot's o'banging. And like really almost showing private parts! WOAH! 

tss: Is sex-tennis a "thing"?

A: No.

Then she gets a real boyfriend and he's a prince-charmer-baby-cancer-doctor. So he's real nice and she's makes him wait 5 days before doin it to her. Then he get's all jerky all of a sudden and is like- uh, I got stuff to do bye... So she's broken hearted and Justin takes her to LA with him to meet his family. (Woof. this movie was kind of really long!) JT's dad has Alzheimers-

tss: OK, I'm going to stop you because I REALLY don't care about what you're talking about. What was the message of the movie?

A: If you and your hot friend hang out in the bone-zone long enough, you will fall in love.

tss: Did JT look totally hot?

A: He looked SO HOT. And he wore really cool clothes and was also not wearing any clothes at all a lot of the time. Though, some of the naked pillow talk was kinda ew? Butthole talk and how it's hard to pee with a boner? GROSS dude. That's really gross. Just show me your butt again and shush up.

tss: What was the best part?

A: I super enjoyed JT's Kriss Kross rap. That part was NOT wiggity wiggity wiggity wack. Yo.

tss: What was the worst part?

A: UGH- some dumb part where JT gets stuck on the Hollywood sign and has to get rescued by a police helicopter? Like, c'mon buddy- there's a freaking ladder! And no, pretty sure the LAPD have better things to do than guard the Hollywood sign with helicopters and shit. Yikes.

tss: Is it good for teens and tweens out there to watch?

A: If you get permission from your parents and are a teen not a tween, I guess you can be allowed to go. But really there is a LOT of sex words you might not know about yet, and many many naked parts. It's totally funny, and the people are super charming- 

tss: Wait, you liked it? You've been talking about it like it sucked.

A: No, it was pretty good. Anyway teens, don't go see it with your parents. That would just be totally awkward.